Cosplay Confessional – Intro and Silver Haired Dreams

I have never officially spoken about this, although it’s not nearly as secret as I would’ve liked it to be.  I’m horrendously bad at not  babbling about my fangirl obsessions when the conversation has an opening.  I almost feel I wouldn’t be true to myself or my true self if I didn’t say anything, and lately I have been very much about being my true self.  I find myself liking me much more when I’m allowed my solitude, and I’ve been allowing myself a LOT of solitude, and I’ve come to the conclusion that I shouldn’t be ashamed of my obsessions.  Now does this mean all of my anxiety and neuroticism is just going to disappear?  Hell no.  There are years and years of ridicule, shaming, and downright abuse to contend with, but it does mean I’m going to try.

You’ll notice this post is entitled “Cosplay Confessional,” but I feel as if “confessional” means I’m admitting to wrongdoing.  Nothing could be further from the truth, so I’m going to think of the term as more catharsis than confession, but I’m keeping the latter in the title as I’m admitting publicly (and to myself) what I’ve always wanted to do.

Like too many people, I fell into the trap of thinking, “I’ll do this when I’m skinnier, richer, more stable, more ready, more…something other than what I am now” and it is a trap, because you will never be satisfied.  While I still want to lose 80 lbs and finally be at what I consider a damn near unachievable goal, I’m also starting to embrace a more body positive attitude, especially with seeing people like Tess Holiday.  In fact it was Tess that really pushed me over the edge of making this decision, because she is (or comes off publicly) as completely unashamed of her body, and she shouldn’t be (ashamed, that is).  No one should be ashamed off the flesh in which they reside.

So I haven’t talked about the “cosplay” portion of this confessional, well, I love cosplay.  I haven’t really done it, but I have one major one planned and several others that I’m considering (I just came up with a new one this past week).  The major one has been in my head for almost two decades, and it was the one where I thought, “I need to lose all the weight because I don’t want to be gross!!” and I have to admit that I took part in some shaming activity with friends.  The fact that it was towards pictures doesn’t make it better, but in the back of my head, I would think, “I need to look this particular way so no one will say this about me,” and honestly, that’s super shitty.  It’s super shitty to shame people, and it’s super shitty to be so afraid of what people (including your friends, especially your friends) think that you’ll keep yourself from doing what you love.

Margaery Tyrell cosplayer extraordinaire Santatory (seriously you should follow her.  She looks exactly like her and does other amazing cosplays as well)

Did I lie?

has a very strong opinion about bullying in the cosplay community.  It’s not cool.  No one should be shamed for dressing up as their favorite character.  Whether they’re doing it just for fun or because it’s their passion or favorite character.  Let me tell how much I do NOT look like my favorite character.  It’s not just because I’m overweight.  It’s just just because I’m female.  I also have the added bonus of cosplaying while black, which is totally a tumblr page by the way.

Makeup Test 5

C’est moi and the shirt is who I want to cosplay.

So the point of his post is to show the cosplays I’m either currently working on or want to do in the future.  Most of the items will be purchased since I am not good at making anything.  I don’t even pluck my own eyebrows.  I’ll screw it up lol.  Until very recently, I believed that I desperately needed to look a particular way before I even tried, but I’m starting to shed that perception.  Now am  I going to spill all my pictures all over the internet when I make the attempt?  More than likely not.  I’m still a elitist, perfectionist snob, and if I don’t like the way I look then no one will ever see.  Hell, I’m still struggling over how I appear without glasses and trying to figure out makeup tricks to alleviate that.

Besides the first one, which is my top cosplay priority, this list is in no particular order.

1. Sephiroth

I’ve been obsessed with him for half my life.  Actually…FFVII came out in 1997 and I turned 35 in April so more than half of my life.  One of the bloggers I follow Tickled TK just recently posted an article Can You Guess the 5 Fictional Characters I Most Identify With and not only did she have two characters from Final Fantasy, but that got me thinking about my own fictional identifiers, and Sephiroth is pretty much number 1.  Not to get too much into it (that’s for another blog post), but in the game during Cloud’s (false) flashback in Nibelheim, the legendary general mentions something about it being Cloud’s hometown then makes the statement about he (Sephiroth) doesn’t have a hometown and that his mother died giving birth to him.  It was at that moment I realized I cared…and I was quite annoyed.  Again the reason why is another story and will be told another time, but I while I can’t condone Seph’s actions, I could understand being in a situation where you would want to do the same.  Also whenever you introduce mental manipulation into a narrative, it changes the entire shape of the game.  There are many, many essay blog posts planned for these things, but suffice it to say an obsession was born even before I played FFVII (which I initially had no interest in.  It seemed too sci-fi for me.  Hilarious, n’est-pas?) and the power of it has never diminished.

I have seen some awesome cosplayers pull him off both male and female, but you can’t even imagine my joy when I found Blackcat514.

asdeoiafagjrah black female Sephiroth cosplayer!

Crap….she’s skinny and hot though.  I could never do that without losing tons of weight, aaaaand that’s the thinking I’m trying to destroy.  Blackcat514 is also doing an interpretation of his outfit that has more skin showing.  She’s wearing a skirt where he wears pants, and is baring her midriff where he has the straps across his chest, but honestly people this is why representation matters.  While I still totally expect to have assholes make really mean comments about me for not only being not skinny, but also being the “wrong” color *rolls eyes*, and if I dare to post pictures, I’ll have to deal with that on the internet, seeing it makes me feel a thousand times better, and I look pretty awesome in a silver/white wig already.

Makeup Test 2Btw the ankh on my chest (which you can’t totally see) is the same one that Seph has on his belt.  All of my tattoos are FFVII/Sephiroth centered.  I have the Tree of Life from the Qabalah on my right arm as well.

So this is my current project.  Right now I have that white/silver wig above, but it’s just a practice one so I could see what I looked like.  I just bought another more Seph-like and silvery one from Milanoo,

but I haven’t even taken it out of the package yet, because I don’t have a proper wig stand for it.  That’s my next purchase, because the wig I have on in the above picture is so tangled from not being properly hung.  I also have this issue to contend with


Cid, Destroyer of Wigs

so need a proper place to both hang and hide it.

I’m working on getting the cat eye contact lenses, too.  I just obtained regular ones and learned how to put them in and take them out; the former is far easier.  I, of course, ordered green contact lenses for every day wear, but finding green cat eye has been challenging.  The need to be FDA approved, and apparently blue cat eye is more common than green, which makes no sense since when I hear cat eyes, I immediately think of green.  I wish I had the courage to ask the amazing NarcissPuppet where he got these lenses, but alas I am far too shy.

I’m also pretty sure they’re full eye contact lenses, and I don’t know if I’m ready for those yet…even though they’re soooo cool ahhhhh!

I also need fake eyelashes.  Sephiroth has insanely luxurious eyelashes, and I’m quite surprised that not more cosplayers take note of this fact.  It seems an inconsequential detail, but his eyelashes are such an integral part of his look, and falsies are inexpensive and (relatively) easy to put on.

Dem Lashes

I’m holding off on getting the coat and leather pants, because I would like to lose like 30 lbs or so, but I think that’s far more feasible than 80.  Oh, and there’s kind of a time limit on this since I really want to attend Otakon 2016 in Baltimore since it’s the last year it’s going to be in that locale, but I’m starting to become less neurotic about this, as well.  There will be other conventions and cosplay can be done whenever I want.

Another thing I’ve been trying to find is a good Black Materia necklace.  I did find one from seller Orin on Etsy.  Fantastic experience that, by the way, and he was funny and witty besides.  I wear the necklace quite often and think about destroying the world *evil laughter* but I am in the market for a larger black orb.  They, like the green cat eye contact lenses, seem to be notoriously difficult to find.

I’m not sure if I’m going to do his one wing, but I have found some really good tutorials on it if I choose to do so.  I only need to make one 🙂  I’m also not averse to purchasing wings.  I would have to go online though since the only place I can really think that sells them is Hot Topic, and that’s only around Halloween, and they’re far too small.  I’m sure the interwebs has someplace that sells theatrically sized wings or one wing, which would be even better.  Maybe I could get it for half the price.

I found his boots and intend to purchase them soon.  I told myself when I reached 100 lbs weight loss I would do so, but I added a caveat that I’d not only have to lose 100 lbs, but maintain it for a month since I reached that point last October, but Christmas happened.

There was a recent thing I decided to add after seeing Game of Thrones S5E4 Sons of the Harpy where the Faith Militant went ballistic.  There was a very squirm-worthy scene where Lancel Lannister was getting a heptagram carved into his forehead, and I realized I wanted a seven pointed star, decent sized on a large chain.  Something about dressing up as a fallen angel, having a 7 tattoo on one wrist, a VII tattoo on the other and a seven pointed star around my neck just seems right.  I’ve found a few, but none of them are large enough so the hunt continues.

I could probably say a hell of a lot more about Sephiroth and this cosplay, but as I see how long this is getting, I realize it’s going to be more than one post.  Between the introduction and the first entry, I believe I’m only going to do one more and then call it a day.

2. Daenerys

I am 100% Team Targaryen.  They conquered Westeros 300 years ago and while I completely agree that Aerys needed to go, Rhaegar would’ve made the greatest king of all.

Rhaegar Targaryen Crowned

Yes, I have a silver hair problem. No, I don’t want to be cured.

The Dany cosplay just recently came to my mind.  I think I would try to portray her in her blue dress.

One of my favorite cosplayers Yaya Han did a beautiful version of her in her Qartheen gown with a modestly placed Rhaegal.

05132015 2This lovely lady’s dress would also be acceptable.

I don’t know.  The skies the limit with this one.  I’d need the dress, another silvery blonde wig, and definitely fake eyelashes with this one, too.  Dany is another example of someone with light hair but dark lashes.  This after fire walk Daenerys is a great example.

I’m ending this first part of my Cosplay Confessional here.  One cosplay has been planned for years with all of its worries, neuroses, and pining.  The second almost showed up on a whim.

Next time I’ll talk about an even more recent idea garnered from this summer’s most bad ass movie, and maybe I’ll find the courage to talk about the cosplay I attempted and failed.

Until then, adieu!

17 thoughts on “Cosplay Confessional – Intro and Silver Haired Dreams

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