Miscellaneous

Question of the Week: 10/30/16

/ The Shameful Narcissist / 27 Comments

<–Question of the Week: 10/23/16          Question of the Week: 11/6/16–>

The Question of the Week is posted every Sunday and will consist of a question followed by my answer and explanation to the same.  Some questions will only require a simple answer that could potentially be followed by an explanation.  Many questions will be writer oriented, but not all.  Everyone is encouraged to answer in the comments and discussions/follow up questions are more than welcome!

What paranormal experience(s) have you had?

When I was around eight or nine years old getting ready for school, I was in the bathroom looking at the mirror that was in front of our medicine cabinet, and as I looked I realized I wasn’t seeing myself.  I know…so cliched, but it was very weird.  This girl had lighter skin than me, more honey colored, and different features, yet she mimicked my movements as images are wont to do.  I remembered going back and forth out of the mirror and coming back to find the same reflection still before.  Then my mom called me, and I again looked away from the mirror to answer, but when I went back, the “honey girl,” was gone, and it was just me in the glass.

I wasn’t even frightened at the time.  I just thought it was weird or a trick of the light.  Even now I’m not sure if I was actually seeing what I was seeing, but the house I grew up in was…weird.  Looking back on it with adult eyes, it was always odd how frightened I was of the dining room and my fear of basements and subterranean spaces came about because my basement was super creepy. I always hated going down there and have nightmares about it to this day.  There was this discoloration on the wall that looked like an alien monster.  I know it was from the moisture of the hot water heater, but it was always unsettling.

I’ve had more random experiences where I’ve just had weird feelings.  live in a part of Pennsylvania that’s considered quite haunted, and I’ve been to Valley Forge Park at night.  Terrifying.  There are also these terrible tunnels that I refuse to drive through in the dark not to mention this graveyard near my college that friends have concurred with me on on the spookiness factor.  Then of course I have cats, and they’re always seeing the unseen hehe.

I don’t profess to being anything I’m not, and I take the scientific, rational, and logical side in most things, but I can’t deny I’ve had inexpiable feelings and seen some strange things.  It could just be I didn’t have the tools or means to explain them or it could be they defy our ability to explain them yet.

What ghost story and/or paranormal experiences have you had?

I look forward to your answers in the comments!

<–Question of the Week: 10/23/16          Question of the Week: 11/6/16–>

Question of the Week: 6/12/16

/ The Shameful Narcissist / 8 Comments

<–Question of the Week: 6/5/16          Question of the Week: 6/19/16–>

The Question of the Week is posted every Sunday and will consist of a question followed by my answer and explanation to the same.  Some questions will only require a simple answer that could potentially be followed by an explanation.  Many questions will be writer oriented, but not all.  Everyone is encouraged to answer in the comments and discussions/follow up questions are more than welcome!

What country would you most like to visit/live in?

Simple answer for me: England.  We almost went a few years ago, but I knew we wouldn’t have enough money to do all the things we wanted.  I’m of the mind that you don’t go on vacation if you can’t afford to go on vacation.  While one doesn’t need to spend money like water, it doesn’t make sense to travel all the way over there and not be able to do anything, be resigned to dive bars (which, let’s be honest isn’t my cup of tea), and not experience the glory of the English countryside.

So we decided to bide our time.  One day I and my fellow anglophile friends will get there, but until then, I’ll continue to crush on my favorite English actors.

Tom Hiddleston

Tom Hiddleston

I drool.

Benedict Cumberbatch

Benedict Cumberbatch

I drool again.

If I had the opportunity I’d go to England in a heartbeat like if my job wanted to send me there for some reason.  Not even a question; I’d go.  Even if it were to London.  I’m not remotely a city girl, but that’s one place where I’d made an exception.

If you could live or visit any country in the world, what would it be?  Is it just an idealization or have you been to the place where you’d choose to live?

I look forward to your answers in the comments!

<–Question of the Week: 6/5/16          Question of the Week: 6/19/16–>

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Question of the Week: 6/5/16

/ The Shameful Narcissist / 4 Comments

<–Question of the Week: 5/29/16          Question of the Week: 6/12/16–>

The Question of the Week is posted every Sunday and will consist of a question followed by my answer and explanation to the same.  Some questions will only require a simple answer that could potentially be followed by an explanation.  Many questions will be writer oriented, but not all.  Everyone is encouraged to answer in the comments and discussions/follow up questions are more than welcome!

What pet(s) would you like to have that you can’t?

Bulldog PuppyI want a puppy so badly, and bulldogs are my favorite, but due to life circumstances, it’s just not feasible at the moment, and I do have some moral concerns with their breeding.  Their pushed in faces are adorable to us, but not overly conducive to life and comfort.  This a similar issue with pugs, which are pretty high on my list of omg adorable dogs, too.

I also have a fondness for rats, but since I have two cats, a small apartment, and they can be sensitive, no ratty babies for me at this juncture.

I was going to include sphynxes, but then I looked up their origins and am hella disturbed.  Maybe I’m just squeamish, but that is super gross and disturbing. This is coming from someone who’s obsessed with ASOIAF and all the incest therein.

What pet would you love to have that you can’t?  What circumstances stand in the way?

I look forward to your answers in the comments!

<–Question of the Week: 5/29/16          Question of the Week: 6/12/16–>

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Festering Dreams, Broken Vases, and Catharsis

/ The Shameful Narcissist / 1 Comment

Content Warning:  Discussions/Mentions of suicide.

The night before last I had a dream that didn’t consciously bother me at the outset.  I even laughed and joked with my husband about it, even though it was disturbing.  Usually the dream world is populated with randomness to color the mise en scene, but this was different; this was a story I was reading from what seemed like Martin’s Dreamsongs.

The story was about a man taking care of his aging mother, and she was a vindictive and evil bitch.  The details of that are unclear and unimportant, but when she died there was a sense of relief.  Then the man started to notice himself acting strangely…saying and thinking things that his mother would.  He was a nice person, the antithesis to her, so he didn’t understand why she was getting to him.  It turns out in the story this woman was so vindictive that when she died her consciousness refused to let go and went into her son.  Eventually, he kills himself because he can no longer take the pain/insanity, and it was implied in the story that either that’s what she wanted (reunion…which is questionable since I’m pretty on the fence about whether that even happens in the real world/after death) or he was just driven mad by guilt/grief.  It was also implied that it didn’t stop there because some monsters never rest.  The final sentence in the story was, “When mother calls you, you have to go,” which is the final line to a microstory I wrote a few months ago.  Afterwards I listened Mary Fahl’s “Better Left Alone” stuck in my head (there’s no video for it else I’d post it).  I wish I’d had that choice.

This would make an excellent horror story; one that I will never write.  It obviously has references to FFVII and ASOIAF/GOT , the latter in light of the revelations about what Bran can do.

I’m so used to disassociating that when I first woke up, I was making light of it and being like, “Uhhhh wtf?” but it’s like a time bomb planted in your brain, a venomous seed waiting to grow.  The odd/interesting and possibly ironic thing is the other day I was attempting to encourage a friend who is dealing with their own issues by telling them my Broken Vase Philosophy of which I’ve made a video.  As that is not yet edited/ready to share, I’ll just have to tell you here.

If you’re a broken vase that’s been pieced back together, a few more cracks won’t change anything.  You’re already broken.  What does it matter is some pieces create more shards?  I use this as a tool to (fittingly) hold myself together when something unpleasant occurs, but…I’m starting to think that this is false.  Some things are wedges that plunge in between your most intimate, sundered cracks.  Digging in, shattering bits all the more, but you may be too broken to notice at the outset.  You’re so used to it that you brush it off, but when you examine your hand you bleed..

I was going to make this just a Facebook status, but it became to extensive for that.  I’m fairly sure there’s already a story about it (besides FFVII  and ASOIAF I mean.  I’m thinking one set in this actually world); it seems so familiar, so known in its rue.

At the very least this post was cathartic.  My hands aren’t shaking anymore; I don’t feel like I’m going to cry.  Putting it out into the zeitgeist means I don’t have to carry it.  I was reading a post about the latest released chapter in GRRM’s masterpiece, and mentions of Lovecraftian abominations that are too terrible to comprehend just brought me back, because it’s one of the many shared paradigms.  It’s difficult when your favorite stores share common motifs, and when one major motif is your own.

Feel free to use this as a story prompt if you are so inclined.  The most disturbing horror tropes utilize the most endearing, and “Mother is the name for God.”

Question of the Week: 5/8/16

/ The Shameful Narcissist / 10 Comments

<–Question of the Week: 5/1/16          Question of the Week: 5/15/16–>

The Question of the Week is posted every Sunday and will consist of a question followed by my answer and explanation to the same.  Some questions will only require a simple answer that could potentially be followed by an explanation.  Many questions will be writer oriented, but not all.  Everyone is encouraged to answer in the comments and discussions/follow up questions are more than welcome!

What kind of pet(s) do you have?

I have two cats: Kin mei and Cid.

Kin-mei is my 12 (almost 13) year old half to three quarters Siamese.  His name is supposed to be Japanese for “gold eyes,” though I think they’re a bit more green than gold. I’ve had him since he was a kitten, and he’s the king of the house.

We knew from the first day we took him home at six weeks old that we were dealing with no ordinary intellect.  Truly, Kin-mei is a super genius.  I don’t remember what he did, but it amazed me and my roommate at the time.  This is apparently a trait of Siamese cats.

We adopted Kin-mei from a friend whose Siamese cat Argent escaped for a bit (yep, I actually know his mom’s name) got pregnant and subsequently had kittens.  Unfortunately….their house burned down a few years later and all the cats within (including Kin-mei’s mother) died, sooooo now I have another sad on Mothers Day *sigh*

Anyway, I’ve never had a pet longer than Kin-mei, and though he may be a grumpy, old man at times, he’s my grumpy old man, and I can’t imagine life without him.

This fancy fellow

This fancy fellow

Then there’s Cid.

The court jester

The jester

We adopted Cid 5 (?) years ago, because Kin-mei was being a bit destructive while I and my husband were at work.  We figured he was bored and would do well with a little brother/sister.  Initially, we were looking at this adorable calico girl, but when we got to the shelter (Chester County SPCA for the curious) and talked to the people there, we found out the cat in question might not work too well with the king.

Cid (whose name was John at the time…what an odd name for a cat lol) purred all the time, seemed super friendly, and not too dominant.  Though we’d initially been looking for an older cat, we decided to go with Cid who seemed to be between six months to a year old.  Since he was not only a brown tabby, but also a bit sick, the shelter people told us he’d probably still be there if we took a few days to make our decision.  Apparently, brown tabbies are nearly as hard to adopt out as black cats (wtf?), plus he had a bit of a cold due to people probably sticking their fingers in the cages…something you are not supposed to do.  We fostered him for a week so he could be out of that environment, gave him medicine, then took him back to be neutered.  They can’t put them under anesthesia if they’re that congested, and being out of the shelter environment will foster recovery.

Cid’s name is of course from the recurring Final Fantasy character, which itself comes from El Cid.  That I knew, but what I recently found out what that El Cid translates to “the lord,” so maybe our little clown is really the ruler.  That would be like Butterbumps or Patchface being heir to the Iron Throne (#ASOIAFhumor) though one of this is decidedly creepier than the other.

Cid drives Kin-mei up the wall most of the time.  He’ll annoy him until he leaves his spot, and they fight on a fairly consistent basis; however…they will clean each other and fall asleep together once all of their battles are done.

Catception: cats sleeping on a cat blanket

Catception: cats sleeping on a cat blanket

Do you have any pets and if so what kind?

I look forward to your answers in the comments!

<–Question of the Week: 5/1/16          Question of the Week: 5/15/16–>

Question of the Week: 5/1/16

/ The Shameful Narcissist / 15 Comments

<–Question of the Week: 4/24/16          Question of the Week: 5/8/16–>

The Question of the Week is posted every Sunday and will consist of a question followed by my answer and explanation to the same.  Some questions will only require a simple answer that could potentially be followed by an explanation.  Many questions will be writer oriented, but not all.  Everyone is encouraged to answer in the comments and discussions/follow up questions are more than welcome!

What’s your favorite season?

It is unseasonably cool in my corner of the world, and it’s put me in mind of the seasons; thoughts that have also been spurred along by the return of Game of Thrones where such are awry due to uncanny circumstances centering around the Grim Up North.  FFVII also shares this trope so far as to have the story’s climax occur in that frozen locale.  It would be unsurprising if the same happened in Song.

Regardless, it’s been much colder than expected for end of April/start of May, and though I don’t wholly believe I have any affect on the weather, I have been writing a bit about snow, literally

Actual snow

and figuratively

Jon Snow

The current scene in The Broken Rose is set during a snow storm, though it’s more for ambience (and potential contrast) and is not directly affecting the characters.  There’s also a chapter in my paranormal romance called “To Hate the Winter But Love the Snow,” and Northern Lights has a winter forest scene as well heralded by this picture.

Chapter 17 - When the Forest Sleeps

Also winter angels

To answer the question officially (if there is still any need), my favorite season is winter.  I’ve romanticized it quite a bit, and the fact that it is my favorite brings to mind a quote from Richard Adams’s Watership Down (which btw is being remade as a four part series for Netflix.  No I am not lying), and though I can’t recall it directly it, the gist of the quote is that men (humans) don’t love the winter; they love that they’re not really affected by it anymore.  We have the ability to avoid not only its discomforts, but also its potential quietus.  Technology has afforded us the means to love that which once could easily kill us.

But winter also brings these lovely scenes:

Winter 2 Winter

Nor can we forget the northern lights themselves, which make up north much less grim (surface wise at least…)

Winter Beneath the Northern Lights

I have a Pinterest board dedicated to the winter and of course one solely for the northern lights.  So while I abhor being cold, I’m not also a fan of the extreme heat, and winter’s aesthetic has always warmed my romantic, gothic heart.

What’s your favorite season and why?  Is there a season you hate?  (If it’s winter I won’t be upset :p)

I look forward to your answers in the comments!

<–Question of the Week: 4/24/16          Question of the Week: 5/8/16–>

Question of the Week: 3/27/16

/ The Shameful Narcissist / 3 Comments

<–Question of the Week: 3/20/16          Question of the Week: 4/3/16–>

The Question of the Week is posted every Sunday and will consist of a question followed by my answer and explanation to the same.  Some questions will only require a simple answer that could potentially be followed by an explanation.  Many questions will be writer oriented, but not all.  Everyone is encouraged to answer in the comments and discussions/follow up questions are more than welcome!

What did you do for Easter?

People…this is without a doubt the most slap-dash, impromptu, half-assed question I’ve posted so far.  It’s currently 10:00pm where I am and I just remembered I didn’t post a QOTW.  It’s been really rough for me these past few months between my unknown sickness (eh not so unknown anymore.  Nothing serious, don’t worry, but I think there’s some shuffling of doctors so I haven’t heard back with what I’m supposed to do, and I haven’t had time to contact them myself) that causes chronic fatigue and dizziness (among other things), and in the fugue of that trying to finish The Broken Rose (see here), I’m a goddamn mess.  So the question is not one I had planned, but I figured it is (Western) Easter, so there you go.

I did nothing special.  Grocery shopped, which wiped me out so I fell asleep on the couch for a few hours while Futurama played in the background (all hail Netflix ya’ll!).  Growing up I was forced to go to church where the best thing about that was my Easter outfit.  We also had to memorize and recite an “Easter piece,” which I assume was a Bible verse, but it’s been years so I can’t quite remember.  I do know I was very good at it.  Memorization is a forte of mine if I concentrate, and I have an especially good auditory memory, which is both a blessing and a bane.  Currently, I’m sitting here eating Easter candy, which my in-laws graciously gave to me via my husband who went over there for Easter dinner.  I didn’t feel well (mentioned above) so I stayed home and did the grocery shopping, which (again see above) wiped me out.

Hopefully, next week I’ll have question worthy of your time, and when I’m finished my never ending story, I’ll have more content that’s the same.

What did you do for Easter?  Do you have any particular Easter traditions?  Did you have memorable ones from the past?  Do you keep up with them?

I look forward to your answers in the comments!

<–Question of the Week: 3/20/16          Question of the Week: 4/3/16–>

Question of the Week: 1/10/16

/ The Shameful Narcissist / 4 Comments

<–Question of the Week: 1/3/16          Question of the Week: 1/17/16–>

The Question of the Week is posted every Sunday and will consist of a question followed by my answer and explanation to the same.  Some questions will only require a simple answer that could potentially be followed by an explanation.  Many questions will be writer oriented, but not all.  Everyone is encouraged to answer in the comments and discussions/follow up questions are more than welcome!

Today’s question is very simple since I’m juggling a lot of balls in the air at the moment.

What is your favorite month of the year?

September.  Seems weird right?  It kind of isn’t though.  Though the Narcissist is now a gigantic cynic, once she was a hopeless romantic and bits of that still cling to her jaded heart.  I love September for a multitude of reasons; one of which being it’s summer’s end.  There’s something so poignant and beautiful about the end of summer when all shall fall and return to dust.  September also heralds my favorite time of the year that includes Halloween and Christmas (don’t ask which one is my favorite; that’s another question for another time).  When September hits, you know the old year is winding down.

Another draw for me is the fact that September used to be the 7th month of the year, but due to July and August being added it was pushed out to the 9th.  September still means “seven” though as it’s prefix “sept” denotes.  For some reason I always think of September as having this goldenrod color,

Maybe because of this

but I have associated colors for all of the months.

Finally, Final Fantasy VII (I’m…really not trying to make these puns.  They just flow organically) came out on September 7, 1997 in North America.  Yes, really.  I wrote a blog post about it one year on the game’s birthday.  Triple sevens if you dig a little, something FFVII forces you to do in spades (…)

So September is my favorite month of the year.  What’s yours and why?

I look forward to your answers in the comments!

<–Question of the Week: 1/3/16          Question of the Week: 1/17/16–>

Goals for 2016

/ The Shameful Narcissist / 9 Comments

Here’s hoping this will be a short post because I need to work on one of those goals this very night.  I’m trying to look at them as more goals than resolutions.  This is by no means a complete list, but these are the specific ones I’ve compiled.  I also want to make steps towards my various cosplays though I don’t have them on the list.  I’m breaking these up into sections based on what they’re about.

Here goes.

Writing

  • Finish, edit, and post The Broken Rose – this is my WIP, another FFVII fanfiction
  • Reedit and submit The Threads of Sorrow – this is my original and (only) published short story.  I want to reedit and resubmit it to more well known journals since it’s currently languishing in a relatively unknown international one.  At this point I don’t even consider myself a published writer and thinking about it for too long makes me sadder.
  • Write at least two of the planned and noted ASOIAF and FFVII (A Song of FFVII ) comparative essays – the massive amount of notes have been sitting in OneNote for over a year; it’s time to do something with them.
  • Audio record Northern Lights – technically not writing but connected to writing, I’ve been planning this recording process for a while.  I may need to get some better equipment besides just my iPhone, which is surprisingly not a bad recording device.

Reading

  • Finish Paradise Lost – about halfway through
  • Finish The Mystical Qabalah – it’s been an over ten year project.  It’s time to make an end so I can read more interpretations of the esoteric system.
  • Read The Poetic Edda
  • Read The Rape of Lucrece – both this and the above are necessary for my numerous, planned FFVII essays/metas
  • Read/Review at least one book every two months – I made a goal last year to read a book a month.  That did not work out so I’m going to try every other month.  I used to read so many, many books, but adulthood and life have sapped any hopes of that.

Life

  • Find a therapist – it’s far past time.  That’s all that needs said.
  • Figure out what current physical malady is plaguing me – too much to get into right now
  • Lose 50 lbs
  • Get last two tattoos

Those are my goals for now.  I reserve the right to change and/or update them at any time.

Now I must work on The Broken Rose.

Until later.