Borrowed Lives

A short Final Fantasy VII fanfiction pairing Aeris and Sephiroth that occurs mid-canon at the juncture of the Sleeping Forest.  The fated pair have history, and the flower girl demands a sacrifice the Great General cannot refuse.
Disclaimer: Final Fantasy VII, its characters, and settings are all property of Square Enix so I can take no credit nor claim any ownership of that. I do take some credit for nuances and additions to the story’s plot.
Artwork Disclaimer: I do not own the below work of art or the artwork on the banner.  The original picture source for the below is located here.  The original picture source for the banner is located here.

For as I live this borrowed life,
This silence I shall keep.
Today I breathe until I die,
But never let me weep.”
-“Borrowed Life”

Aeris Among Flowers

The Sleeping Forest awoke to the step of the Planet’s dearest child.  Ever fragile but never afraid, she ran without pause towards her fate.  Soft bangs brushed wind blossomed cheeks as the trees turned from grey to pure white.


Yes, but never alone, she said without word to the breeze.  It joined sea and sky and all life between to be part of that intricate dance.  Beneath high hanging boughs she sank to her knees and the grass below bent without rue.  She was praying in the position she knew she would die as starlight white lilies grew round.  Not meaning to call them, she felt swift regret to be squandering such precious gifts, but the pulse of life was too great in this instant, knowing it soon would be silenced.

She squeezed her eyes shut, shielding the green that had always marked her as different.  No common hue, they shone with the color of the tide that dwelt inside all.  The memories were hard, but the prayer came easy…strength, light, and hope above all.  It would not be enough.  Not this last time.  Not enough to quench the darkness.  Her people’s last city awaited her shade, and she needed more than courage.

There was no sound for warning or herald, but the maiden knew that he was there.  Opening her eyes, auburn veiled her vision to his sturdy, black boots standing close.  Their proximity startled though she hid the gasp as she lowered her hands to her thighs.

In awe she looked up, lips pink and parting.  She always forgot just how tall…but more than that she forgot he was beautiful, despite darkness that ate as his heart.  A winter angel draped in black with moonlight swirled around.  His skin was whiter than alabaster cold as if the sun were too frightened to touch, and the hollows dark beneath his eyes were spilled with emerald light.  She remembered again how to breathe through her awe and wished memory would grant her this grace.  As though in his absence there was a forgetting cast upon like a spell.  The wind then in mocking blew silver strands forward so they barely brushed her cheeks.

He was looking down at her with face still as marble, clenching gloved hands into fists.  The living heat of those green eyes could bring grown men to their knees, and slit pupils to shame the king of cats cut sharper than the sword at his side.  Behind dark lashes longer than hers, the Mako light sheared through, and though she knew she had no choice, the fragile maid still shook.

“You know I will not do this.”  And she quivered all the more.  His low voice awakened deep heat in her skin, and she blushed to suppress the plea.  It was almost enough to abandon her purpose and give into her shameful desire.

“And you know we have no choice.”  It had always been there.  The unspoken arrangement.  Ever since he’d protected her long ago in the labs before they could make separate escapes.  Though neither one was truly free.  All the players knew the farce, the jailers and the jailed.  A bigger cage was still a prison even if it contained the world.

“The darkness is coming.”  She held taut his gaze, though blinked as he did not. “And the light will soon be veiled.”

“This is madness, Aeris.” He turned away, ripping fingers through silver hair.  No matter how ripped how flung or torn, it always fell in perfection.  The high bangs ever cross his face were just the same as hers.

And no matter how blood soaked, she thought without willing, it will always shine so fair.

“No, Sephiroth,” she said aloud but so softly, “the madness is yet to come…”

He glared at her over his shoulder, staining armor with verdant light.

“You are the one it will corrupt.”

“That will never happen.”  He stepped slowly toward her like a cat in the hunt.  Aeris just shook her head.  As though she had seen.  As though it had happened.  As though past and future had met.

“It will.”  Her own small hands clenched tight.  “Your very cells will betray your will.  Even now you fight…”

And in his eyes arose a gleam as though woken at those words.  It came not from the Mako that swirled in his veins, but from something far deeper and old.  The Planet’s dear child knew true fear then as the ground beneath keened lament.

“The horror that gnaws at the heart of the world.  The thing that we must stop.”  She could feel the touch of that terrible corruption trying to worm beneath her skin.  He blinked in that instant and the glow became true, though his jaw clenched on words to curse fate.

“You can rage against heaven.  Hate the gods if you must.  You know it will do no good.”

The maledictions he spewed were so coarse in their vehemence Aeris wanted to stop her ears.  When he was done, silence full reigned as if the forest were too shamed to echo.

Sephiroth walked slowly back to where she knelt, whispering, “Why me?”

The wrath made him paler as green light was swallowed in the darkness beneath his eyes.

“You’ve killed people before.  Women, children…”  She looked away for the pain of that truth and forced herself not to think.

“That was different.  That was war.” His voice was flat with no regret.  “And I have never killed a child.”

“There were children in Nibelheim…”

The general’s lip curled in a bitter sneer.  “That was different, too.”  Again he turned away from her.  Unable to witness the pre-gifted forgiveness as she begged him to do the most foul.  His hair swept soft against his coat like snow in the abyss.  Closing his eyes to what was unseen, even in pain he was nothing but beauty.

“Do you remember, Sephiroth?” Soft but relentless, and Mako swirled cold for the past.

“I remember…”  She froze to the sight of overlarge iris and slit pupil oh so spare.  “I remember watching from the outside as hatred and rage took me over for reasons that now seem so faint.  And when it was done and the world lay in ashes, the dead were still able to scream.”

“The reasons were for it alone and the cruel lies you were told.”

His hair washed his vision but still he could see her kneeling beneath the white tree.  Unknowing in her innocence how words could find old wounds.

“You know they were lies now, don’t you?”

Still as a statue Sephiroth stood, and his eyes lit the pale of her face.  Aeris sighed and clasped her hands tighter, praying pain give her strength to go on.  

“It is beyond that which is monstrous,” the general whispered, “but I’m a monster, too.”

“And you won’t even know that you’re broken.”

He asked once again, “Why me?”

Her neck ached to look far up at him, but he deserved to know all the truth.

“So that you can become the world’s enemy.  In this we have a chance.”

“By me losing my reason to utter insanity and by you losing your life?!  How Aeris?  How will my murdering you bring the faintest bit of hope to the world?”  He wanted to shake her, she looked so calm, hiding her turmoil well.

“Don’t think of it as murder.”  She trembled as the Planet softly called her name.  “Think of it as putting me where I must be.”

“You still have not said why it must be me.” He glowered still, unapologetic as she shivered in the cold green light.  “Why not the boy?”

Aeris never imagined a voice of such greatness could hold hollow desperation.  She tried to keep the same from her face, but it was impossible to hide the feeling there.  Agony, sorrow, and something more shattered his last ounce of composure.  The light in his eyes boiled over in spilling with terrible searing heat.

Sephiroth lunged for her faster than Aeris could blink, clutching her upper arms.  His hands slid to her waist as he lifted her up, envy near burning her face.  Like the truth of his beauty, she always forgot how incredibly strong he was until those powerful hands were upon her with no hope of any escape.

“And you think well of this boy, don’t you?” he hissed, though he kept his grip gentle around.  The heat from those eyes would’ve scorched lesser lashes, but Aeris did not turn away.

“He will lead the others against you,” she whispered, “but I think much better of you.  You are the one who will be vilified, and none will ever know the truth…”

She bit her lip as he stood tall with one arm around her waist.  Her feet hung dangling in their old boots as the maiden gasped to immense power.  Splaying her limbs on cold epaulets, Aeris was dual captured by angel’s face: the beauty, the darkness, the towering height wove silver binding spells.  Skin called to skin, and she looked in surprise for the gloves that had been swiftly shed.  Despite his past rage and fierce jealousy, beyond gentleness brushed at her cheek.  Always so careful, she wanted to weep.  Always so careful with me.  N-Not like the others with needles and tests, but they never shared what we have…

“Sephiroth…please,” Aeris near moaned, struggling to pull herself higher.  The hint of a smile shadowed his lips as he tossed the maid into both arms.  Effortless, easy, the grace of the strong, the song of the all-powerful.  Clinging to steel, she parted her lips, and his were as eager to meld.  He crushed her so close, the voice of her need vibrated through their tongues.

Beneath the white tree, he laid Aeris down, as she smoothed back that moonlight hair.  His face mocked all angels, and she wanted to sear the sight into summer eyes.  Over his cheek, along his jaw line, the flower maid drew fragile finger.  Tracing the straps that crossed over his chest ‘til he drove his tongue in her again.

Pink buttons parted without a protest to reveal those cream white thighs.  He reaction was painted in Mako’s gleam as what he saw in her face spurred him on.   Voice a low song poured in her ear made her breath come too fast as she begged.  Her mouth opened like a flower before his tongue as the little maid whimpered her want.  He tightened his hand around her frail wrists, holding them over her head.  Aeris arched her back as his teeth scored her throat, his tongue playing patterns in swirl.  Each kiss a blessing descending down ‘til her breasts bore the brunt of that heat.  He gazed up with half smile, curling one end, as Aeris claimed them for her own.  He nibbled her lower, and she tangled her fingers in endless silken skein.

Her braid came undone at the touch of his fingers so moonlight and auburn swirled.  Laid in the lilies so called by her light, the Cetra framed the fallen’s face.  She was ready for him, overflowing, and willing, though pulled so terribly taut.  He dared not drive deeply.  That would come later… The light from his eyes cut enough.  Yet ever willing, her thighs more spread, and each tempered thrust brought a squeak.

When it was over and their clothes were straightened, she knelt now for she could not stand.  Salt covered red cheeks, but Aeris knew not if she wept for joy or rue.

“My heart was always yours to break.”  His low voice stirred the shadows that would not dare creep close.  The maid looked down at the hands in her lap, while the voice of the world murmured still.  A quiet tear slipped past her guarding, so grateful to not be forsaken.

“I suppose,” she said with voice now hoarse, “it is only fair I return the favor.”

He lowered his head accepting at last as dying day framed him in glory.  Then swift to surprise he knelt as she did, tilting her chin for a final kiss.  A slow caress of two tongues dancing as he smoothed that tear with his thumb.

Sephiroth stood still full of grace, holding to her like a wish.  She rose as far as her knees would allow with a whimper at the release.  He gazed down at the lilies bleeding their fragrance, crushed and dying at her feet.  “The things that are most beautiful die long before their time.”  He cupped the pale, well salted cheek with hands again cloaked in black.

“Some things were never meant to last…” Aeris answered refusing to let her voice break.

“I give you this promise then.”  He stood tall in his vow, the Great General again, and touched brief the Masamune.  “It is so sharp you will not feel it.”

All that he bore in these final moments was hidden in the light of his eyes.  He yearned for her still as Aeris believed him, waiting for what he did not know.  Perhaps for her to tell him that all was a farce and beg him take her away, but he’d seen too much in his hard life to not doubt the horror was true.

Aeris freed her tongue when the forest enclosed him, overjoyed but not proud she had held.  Memory would more than match what death could not take too soon.


Aeris was waiting in the position she’d die in on an altar made of light.  Nothing else mattered but the words of her prayer as she pleaded for hope to come true.  Not the hard sphere held between her soft palms, nor the boy with his sword raised in anguish.  The players in their places, she had to believe, or else it’s all in vain.

The thought came to him as he flew in the gleam of flawless steel…to miss, to falter, to strike the boy who he saw in rage threatened her life.  But Sephiroth knew he could not betray her, not on the oath he had sworn.

It was as clean as he could make it and her heart was split in two.  The red heat of purity washed the face of death, but winter could never be melted.  As the sword wept the blood of the innocent, its master shed tear unseen.  It swept away reason and sanity, sundering all memories so passed.  The horror then rose up to claim him, sword shedding gore like a second skin.  No more for his memory for lies were his mantra.  He did not even watch her fall.  Still in death, the murdered could smile, as the gates of the world opened wide.  The first wheel had been set into motion, and he had kept this promise for her.






Full of Grace – FFVII: Aeriseph – Updated

The video has been updated!  I finally got around to fixing the end.  I felt the pictures were far too clumped together.  I’m still not fond of the credits, but I’m trying.  I hope to learn Sony Vegas soon so I can improve my slideshows and start making actual AMVs.

The old video has been deleted from YouTube, so the link now goes to the new.  I hope you enjoy!


As mentioned prior I often have songs for scenery and scenery for songs, and Sarah McLachlan’s Full of Grace just fit perfectly into the end of Northern Lights’ Chapter 14.  Every time I listened to it, I could see nothing but images of our fair couple fluttering through my head, and I finally sat down and figured out how those images would manifest.  It took me a week and a half to garner them all; that was the longest and most arduous task, matching picture with lyric.  I won’t bore you with the process, but I will say that Windows Live Movie Maker wasn’t nearly the beast I thought it would be (though I was a little annoyed by the issues with the credits).

Either way, the deed is done, the video is made, and here it is.

This is the first but hopefully not the last.  I’m thinking of making one with Sephiroth and his true mother Lucrecia.  It…will be heartbreaking (like the soon to be posted Chapter 25…at least for me.  Don’t click if you  haven’t read the previous 24 chapters since this is the last one), and the song in my head for this is Candle on the Water from Pete’s Dragon.  I wrote a scene in my original novel with this song as inspiration, and it was about the main character and his mother…in a way.

Don’t judge me too harsh for any amateur mistakes.  I’m sure my editing skills will grow better in time.

The Editing of Northern Lights – The Stars Fall Down in Chapter 7

Note: This is the Editing Blog for my FFVII fanfiction Northern Lights (which you can find at the end of that link).  I will be discussing a myriad of topics along with my frequently tangential and harried editing process.  You should be able to garner some enjoyment and insight from this without having read the story and/or without prior knowledge of the original game, but if you’re a fan of paranormal romance and/or dark fantasy, you may find it to your liking.  The story will be spoiled in this editing examination, though I will do my best to mark spoilers for any other narratives I mention.  Thanks for your interest and enjoy!

<–The Revelation in the Reedit of Chapter 6          Sometimes Seven Isn’t Social–>

Chapter 7 – A Calm and Private Place
: “There is no shortage of fault to be found amid our stars.” –John Green “The Fault in Our Stars”
Picture: Yes
Picture Source: Yes
Picture Satisfaction: Very High

Okay first let me talk about the first quote I had.  It was also from The Fault in Our Stars, but was the more romantic, “I fell asleep like you fall in love…slowly and then all at once,” which I absolutely adore, but it’s far too soon for this point in the tale.  Possibly later, but not right now.  The one I went with is still from the same source and we do go back to Prufrock at the end.  I believe I mentioned I was re-introduced to the Eliot poem by TFiOS, but it’s too soon to speak so blatantly of love.  It’s…coming though.  In this chapter not much happens action wise, but there’s a good deal of character delving and discovery.  Here’s the breakdown.

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The Editing of Northern Lights – The Revelation in the Reedit of Chapter 6

Note: This is the Editing Blog for my FFVII fanfiction Northern Lights (which you can find at the end of that link).  I will be discussing a myriad of topics along with my frequently tangential and harried editing process.  You should be able to garner some enjoyment and insight from this without having read the story and/or without prior knowledge of the original game, but if you’re a fan of paranormal romance and/or dark fantasy, you may find it to your liking.  The story will be spoiled in this editing examination, though I will do my best to mark spoilers for any other narratives I mention.  Thanks for your interest and enjoy!

<–The Two Day Long Finale of the Rest of Chapter 6     The Stars Fall Down in Chapter 7–>

Warning: Some discussions of rape.

It was 11:00 on my (third) wedding anniversary.  Why was I starting the reedit of chapter 6?  How far am I going to get?  Who knows, but as I write this I see it took me three days to complete the reedit and the notes I have on 10/8 are barely a paragraph, and the ones on 10/9 are little more than a page so I’m going to be ambitious if I dare and try to combine three days into one blog post or at least type them up.  It remains to be seen whether or not I’ll post them in one submission or not.  I haven’t done that yet, but there’s a first time for everything…and a last time for everything.  That’s the name of an episode of Aeon Flux,

That link did go to a site where you could watch all the episodes, but alas that is no longer the case.  I should’ve left it up because the message that remained was quite amusing.  Ah, I’m feeling magnanimous so here you go.

Also just a random tidbit, but “the aeons” are the Gnostic equivalent of the Sephiroth.  Both are emanations from God, and in pop culture, they’re both the names of beautiful, leather clad killers of questionable morality.  I don”t need to make these kinds of things. up.

I have all of the episodes on a PSP disk.  Memories, my lovelies…memoria.  Noli manere, manere in memoria  Wtf…I’d apologize; that’s my usually go to in these situations, but I realize now that I’d just be apologizing for being myself, and I’m tired of doing that.  My brain just works like that.  It’s a brain; it’s supposed to work in connections.  That’s what it’s made of; a series of connections, and I think in connections as the brain is made up of connections.  I’m meta-brained.

Qabalistic Tree of Life*sigh* yes that, too.  It’s all about connections, isn’t it?  Speaking of which I haven’t watched a video from my favorite ASOIAF theorists in a while.  Must remedy that tomorrow.  I also must grind for FFII AND play Child of Light, which I talked about the other day.  *sigh redux*  There’s just not enough time.

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The Editing of Northern Lights – The Two Day Long Finale of the Rest of Chapter 6

Note: This is the Editing Blog for my FFVII fanfiction Northern Lights (which you can find at the end of that link).  I will be discussing a myriad of topics along with my frequently tangential and harried editing process.  You should be able to garner some enjoyment and insight from this without having read the story and/or without prior knowledge of the original game, but if you’re a fan of paranormal romance and/or dark fantasy, you may find it to your liking.  The story will be spoiled in this editing examination, though I will do my best to mark spoilers for any other narratives I mention.  Thanks for your interest and enjoy!

<–All of the Tangents vs. Chapter 6     The Revelation in the Reedit of Chapter 6–>

I return, dear readers, to this labor of love, this fairytale I cannot forsake.  Fairytales…FFVII has quite a few similar tropes to les conte de fées, n’est-ce pas?

Hey, Future Narcissist here, I apologize to any of my French speaking readers if I’ve butchered your lovely language.  I decided to study it because my first name is French so I figured I should learn more about it.  I loved it immensely and miss it profusely.

I don’t know why I keep throwing random French around.  It’s been happening a lot lately.  I studied in high school, and grew so adept that I actually had diary entries in the tongue.  I am far less fluent now and have no clue what the hell I was talking about.  I’m sure it’s all teenage angst and fancy.  In fact, I know what it is, and I’d rather not relive painful memories, but I miss rolling French around my tongue.  It’s such a gorgeous language, liquid in its tones with its swallowed R’s and nasal vowels, but the vowels aren’t nasal like the awful Pennsylvania ones I hear (and admittedly speak) all the time.  The ones that my choir teachers would constantly chide us for, because singing with a Pennsylvania vowel is just awful.  It’s probably why I sing classically with an English accent; their vowels are far better. Far above I mentioned Final Fantasy and fairytale tropes, and I meant to elaborate on that before I started talking about my French.  Ah F’s populate my life, don’t they?

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Fallen – FFVII: Aeriseph

I can’t believe this video took over three months to complete, but then again I did start it near the end of the year, which is always a hectic time.  This one was far more challenging than I imagined it was going to be.  With my still very limited experience of slideshow making, I’m starting to pick up certain nuances of what kind of music is easy to put pictures to and what kind of music is more difficult.  For example “Down By the Salley Gardens” was originally a poem so it’s written with a solid meter that has very little deviation between (iambic hexameter if my count is correct).   This means the pictures came and went at a steady pace and nearly all of them were up for nearly equal duration.  Songs, though, are a different sort of animal.  They can have interludes, instrumental breaks, bridges, etc. nor are they bound by the same rules of poetry.  “Fallen” fell (sorry not sorry) into this pattern.

This is mostly another Aeriseph love letter with a few pointed and poignant Lucrecia scenes 😦

I hope you enjoy!

I’m hoping my next video will be an AMV that I made using Sony Vega, but I’m not holding my breath.  I may not be making more videos for a while as I have a lot to catch up on.

Until later I bid you adieu.

The Editing of Northern Lights – Revelations and Sweetness for Chapter 6

Note: This is the Editing Blog for my FFVII fanfiction Northern Lights (which you can find at the end of that link).  I will be discussing a myriad of topics along with my frequently tangential and harried editing process.  You should be able to garner some enjoyment and insight from this without having read the story and/or without prior knowledge of the original game, but if you’re a fan of paranormal romance and/or dark fantasy, you may find it to your liking.  The story will be spoiled in this editing examination, though I will do my best to mark spoilers for any other narratives I mention.  Thanks for your interest and enjoy!

<–Six Short Edits and Chicken Scratch     All of the Tangents vs. Chapter 6–>

So as can be surmised it is still October (granted the middle for me if the 3rd for the date), which means stores are selling Christmas cards because of course they are.  I’ve already mentioned my love for Christmas.  This is deep rooted in childhood and the memories I’ll (hopefully) always have.  I could become the biggest atheist the world has ever seen, and I would still celebrate Christmas with fucking bells on, an angel on my tree, decorations on my mantle, and the holiest of Christmas carols on my tongue.  Those are my favorite and the bring tears to my eyes when done beautifully and well.

Technically an Advent hymn, so double win!

Hey it’s the Narcissist from the Future quite amused that she JUST posted this as part of my 26 Days of Advent series.

I…fucking…LOVE Christmas, but I don’t like when the holiday is rushed.  It’s not even Halloween, Wegmans!  Why do you have Christmas cards out already?  Why did I stop to anyway to look?  Oh, because I’m the pickiest of sticklers for good angel Christmas cards.  One year I didn’t send any because I couldn’t find good ones, and by good ones I mean the angels have to be beautiful.  How the hell do card designers dare produce these subpar angels?!  Faugh…it’s insulting, so when I find good ones, I buy them regardless of the time of the year.  Thus we have this.

Angel Cards

There are only 14 so only 14 special people will be receiving them this year, maybe one less since I’d like to keep one for myself.

I have been gifted with more evidence that ASOIAF is a metaphor for Revelations by of course the Ice and Fire experts, James and Ladonna!

Oh random but not so random side note: I’ve started playing Final Fantasy II on my continuing quest to play and review all of them (review right here btw).  I’m pretty sure I mentioned this before.  I’ve finished the original and the review is here for your perusal.  In FFII I’ve named my characters Bran, Jorah, Arya, and Jaime.  In the original I went with a Frozen motif and named them Hans, Sven, Olaf, and Elsa.  Yes, I’m a giant dork.  No, I don’t care.

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