On the last day of NaNoWriMo I suppose I should give some kind of summary/wrap of my experience this month.  It…really wasn’t that much different from my typical writing experiences though.  Since I have a story to work on (and have for the past few years) I didn’t really need much impetus to write on a daily basis.  Like most months, I missed a few days even though I said to myself I’d write a thousand words every day.  Unfortunately, with the issues that I’ve been having, that was a promise I was unable to keep   I did manage to write over 30k words, so though I didn’t make my daily totals, I succeeded in what I was driving for.

The Broken Rose is still not complete, but it’s 30k words closer and a major (and the most controversial part) is out of the way.  Now that it’s December,  I need to face the hard truth that I may not even complete it this month and I’ll still have this WIP past the new year.  I have a lot of writing goals for 2016, some of which involve doing work on original stories, which is very scary for me as I abandoned that ship for mental health reasons, but unfortunately, I have this drive that keeps me going despite knowing what rejection feels like.  I actually kind of hate it.  I think some people write because they want to and could quit at any time with no compunctions.  I’m not one of those people.  I have to write even though I feel like it kills me because writing leads to stories being finished, edited, submitted and rejected.  That’s just always the way its been.  Since my latest works have been fanfictions, the rejection aspect is more variable.  I’ve received mostly positive feedback on a work I can never publish anyway so I call that a win, but with original stories, there’s a whole different set of values.

Anyway, I hope all of you who did NaNoWriMo garnered something from it. Whether insight, a new writing habit, a finished story, or something else.  I’ll leave you with the final word count and bid you all good night.

Word Count: 2635

Total Word Count: 32642

Nothing written today.  It was the last day of my long weekend and I was hella tired.  I did do some planning for later/ending chapters so it wasn’t like I wasn’t productive.  I was going to write, but the coffee I brewed did nothing so I ended up with zilch in the word count department.

Total Word Count: 30007

I actually completed my thousand words before midnight tonight so they were officially done on the 28th.  So it’s “early” in my book hehe.  I might work on some macros tonight or my WIP video slideshow.  Or I might just watch some Netflix.  I’m pretty tired and my eyes are quite sore.

Word Count: 1579

Total Word Count: 30007

Today, on the Blackest of Fridays, I didn’t leave my house.

…

You know I was going to throw up my favorite Black Friday meme, but in searching for it I came across some of the most terrible things on the internet and now I’m more disheartened and disappointed in humanity than even before so I’m just going to move on.

I was able to play some catch up today and get out over 2k words.  These are my favorite lines from this session.  It’s unedited and I’m too tired to do so, but the spirit of it speaks to me.

“I love you as deep as the darkness that fills the emptiness between the stars…and you love me. How you love me…the worst of monsters, because you don’t know that I am. You love an illusion, a lie shrouded in light…and you think I’m a angel. I must tell you the truth, and yet I can’t speak, because I so fear your hatred. I am a coward who now fears the truth when once that was all I desired.”

Word Count: 2169

Total Word Count: 28428

Today was Thanksgiving.

I was way too fat and way too drunk to get any writing done.  I hope you all enjoyed your holiday if you celebrated!

Total Word Count: 26259

It’s winding down, and I’m thinking I’ll finish at over 30k words at the least.  I’m hoping to finish the story itself before the year’s end, but I’m not sure any more.  The most important part of a paranormal romance has still yet to happen, though there’s been plenty of UST.  Granted, I don’t let it go on for too long, because I hate being that hard on my characters.

Anyway…here’s today’s word count.

Word Count: 1420

Total Word Count: 26259

Finally some progress.  I was able to get some writing done tonight to up my word count, plus get some notes down so I have something to go off of tomorrow.  I did underestimate how much longer this story was going to be though.  I thought I had maybe 30k words left, but I see that I have quite a bit more.  Maybe another 30k; I’m not sure, but The Broken Rose is looking to be nearly as long as Northern Lights much to my surprise.  This is of course before editing, which may cut it down significantly.  I’m still hoping to finish by the end of this year, and I’m also still hoping to get 30k words written before the end of this year’s NaNoWriMo, but we’ll see.  I do have off the next couple of days for the Thanksgiving holiday.

Word Count: 1106

Total Word Count: 24839

No words written today.  I was still recovering from that argument I mentioned before.  Yes, I am this sensitive.  No, I will not just grow a thicker skin.  I wish it worked like that for me.  Some people seem to have the ability to brush these things off easily, whereas I constantly struggle with confidence and self-doubt.  I often think of Yeats’s poem “The Second Coming” (which I honestly think of a lot anyway due to various reasons) for the line:

“The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.”

But then I just worry that I’m being narcissist in thinking that I’m only doubting because I’m “the best.”  So many meta webs…

Total Word Count: 23733

Today I took part in an argument that drained me to the core.  It centered around a certain defense essay, and now I’m just tired and sad.  You can have all the words in a thousand tongues and people still won’t understand you.  I finally realized that I was arguing how life circumstances have to be considered for every action because nothing comes out of a vacuum, and how me and the person were seeing it was utterly continent on our life circumstances. The meta was not lost on me.

I’m tired and sad because of the true core of the subject matter, and I’m feeling more nihilistic because in reading another blog post about the actual origin of Thanksgiving (which I did know before, but refreshers are always good), I have to face the truth that I was more right in my essay than I initially knew and that most of what we’re told when were young is lie.  Now in most cases this is done to protect and not to deceive (as was the situation in my defense), but a lie by any other name is still just as false.

Well…you didn’t come here for my descent into nihilism, did you?  You came here for a word count.

Word Count: 1131

Total Word Count: 23733